Below is something that I have read about you:
“I feel most guilty about Hattie. I basically missed the first year of her life. I’ll be trying to make it up to her forever. She spoke her first word ‘dada’ when I was away and she started crawling.
“She would visit but I couldn’t hold her. I still can’t because of my latest surgery. I haven’t held her on my own since she was five months old. I’m constantly worried about what our relationship will be like. Even now if she falls it’s Dean she reaches for not me. She doesn’t even know me.”
I thought that I should share with you my story about me and my mother and what happended to me when I was born.
I was born with a heart problem, my blood system was wired incorrectly in my heart. Meaning, oxygenated blood is to travel around your body and come back to the heart "dirty", your heart cleans it and the cycle begins again. This was not what was happening with me, 'dirty' blood went around my body and cam back to the heart to be oxygenated. conffusing you? Anyway I was born the colour blue from a lack of oxygen in my body, I was immediatly taken away from my mom and put into intensive care. The base of the story is, my mother couldn't hold,feed or touch me for 2 weeks. My mother and I now have relationship issues, my mother feels disconnected to me and she believes thats because of our lack of being able to bond when I was so young.
To me I love my mother no matter what, yes we have issues, who doesn't (you and Candy for example) but like you and your mother, everyone can overcome these relationship issues.
Honestly Tori, Hattie will love you sooooo much when she is older, she will have forgotten that she didn't see you as much as you hoped, but she is your daughter and you are her mother, nothing can take away your amazing connection. Please don't be so guilty about Hattie, I understand that you feel like you have let Hattie down, but you can still create a bond with her and you both have many years to experience with each other.
You are an amazing mother Tori, don't ever forget that.